“I lost my confidence, I want to regain my confidence, and reconstruct myself.” This was one of the coaching goals of my client – a middle-aged man, an ex-vice president of a multinational financial services company.
His bad divorce had caused him to lose most of his confidence and self-esteem, making it hard to move forward and thrive in the future. My coaching client finds it hard to trust his judgment, he was anxious to make a major decision, especially at work and he doubted himself. When a marriage ends, there are overwhelming feelings of failure, shame, and guilt.
His current workplace offered him a partnership position, and he rejected the offer due to his concern that he wasn’t able to make decisions and think straight.
In our first meeting, we had a powerful two hours powerful conversation. After that, he flew back to his country and started his coaching sessions with me online. After a few sessions, he began to feel hopeful and empowered and slowly noticed his confidence coming back to him. He noticed he was more than capable of taking up the new position being offered to him. He realized and was able to say “I’ve done this before! I can do this.”.
There was a change of energy and feeling in him, he can feel the feeling of joy and calmness again. His body also feels more relaxed, and he said, he felt like going for a run after our last meeting.
When coaching clients are caught up in their fear, doubt, and insecurities, it is my job to snap them out of it.
“Fear cuts deeper than swords.” – George R.R. Martin. Fear is an emotional reaction to a real or potential threat, for example – you run when someone approaches you with a knife. Fear got our body response, “Run from danger!” and get you to safety, it should not last long.
Anxiety and fear feel similar but anxiety is a feeling caused by imagining the possibility of something bad happening, for example, “I worry I will fail my exam in 3 months times”, or “I worry, I will be retrenched”. Rather than an immediate threat, it can stay long-lasting, for weeks, months, or years. People with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations.
Most people are living in a default future and they don’t even know it. As Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” The opposite of a default future is a created life.
In coaching, I help the client to recreate their so-called default future.
My question to my every new client is, “Tell me what you want, and then tell me why it is not in your life right now.”
