Befriending Anxiety – A Fresh Approach to Anxiety Management

You are currently viewing Befriending Anxiety – A Fresh Approach to Anxiety Management

Befriending Anxiety – A Fresh Approach to Anxiety Management

Introduction:

For decades, mental health professions talk about how to “manage” anxiety. How you can control, suppress or fight against it. And today, I can tell you what if there’s a better way? Which is, instead of fighting it or treating anxiety as an enemy to be tame and banished, we could learn to befriend it! This may sound new to you, but this is something I discover how it actually work for most of my clients who suffered anxiety.

As a qualified mental health professional in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I have seen many clients who suffered from anxiety. Everyone experiences anxiety and fear at times, these are normal and helpful human emotions that help us deal with danger.

Let’s explore a win -win formula. In this post, we’ll look the difference between befriending anxiety and merely managing it.  Let’s us look at some real-life examples, where my clients how to befriend their anxiety. And provide you with five practical tips how you can start to befriend your anxiety.

 

Befriending vs. Managing: What’s the Difference?

Traditional anxiety management often involves techniques aimed at reducing or controlling anxious feelings. This might include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, or cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. While these methods can be effective, they sometimes reinforce the idea that anxiety is something negative that needs to be “fixed” or eliminated.

Befriending anxiety, on the other hand, involves accepting and even embracing anxious feelings. It’s about changing your relationship with anxiety, viewing it not as an adversary, but as a part of yourself that’s trying to help—albeit in a sometimes-misguided way. This approach can lead to significant improvement in your mental health and overall lifestyle.

If you manage a person, you will need to tell the person what to do and what not to do. You need to be more in charge or maintain control over someone, that’s take effort and energy, it a win-lose situation. When you invite your friend – anxiety to tea, you can learn to be present with your friend – anxiety without giving it greater power – a win-win!

 

Real-Life Examples of Anxiety Management

 Chatting with my anxiety name: Peter Pan:

An imaginary conversation with Peter can go something like this.

Situation: I made a mistake on an important deliverable at work.

Peter (my anxious thought): “I’m going to get fired.”

My response: “Hey Pete, welcome back! I see you noticed I messed up on that work assignment today. I appreciate you popping in to check on me. The thing is, in reality, that mistake was a lot more minor than you think. I’ve done some great work recently, too, so don’t worry about it!”

A little dialogue like this accomplishes several things:

  • It gives me distance and perspective.
  • It engages my overactive mind in a constructive, creative game rather than an ineffective anxious pattern.
  • It makes me giggle.
  • It gives me appreciation for my anxiety.

Using the “management” approach, I might try to calm my nerves with deep breathing and positive affirmations. I see my anxiety as a problem to overcome.

But using the “befriending” approach, I can identify my anxiety and even thanks it for trying to help me prepare and recognise my anxiety as a protective mechanism.

 

The Benefits of Befriending Your Anxiety for Mental Health

  1. Reduced Internal Conflict: When you no longer need to be fighting against your anxiety (lose-lose), you free up mental energy for other tasks. Win-win!
  2. Increased Self-Compassion: Befriending anxiety teachers you to be kinder, more understanding relationship with yourself. Win-win!
  3. Better Understanding of Your Needs: Anxiety often points to areas of your life that need attention or help. I often guide my clients through a process of getting curious about their anxiety. By listening to it, you can gain valuable insights. Win-win!
  4. Improved Emotional Resilience: Accepting all your emotions, including anxiety, can make you more emotionally robust overall. Win-win!
  5. More Authentic Living: Instead of trying to present a calm facade, you can live more truthfully, acknowledging all parts of yourself. Win-win!
  6. Potential Reduction in Anxiety Intensity: Paradoxically, accepting anxiety can sometimes reduce its intensity more effectively than trying to fight it. Win-win!

 

Five Tips for Befriending Your Anxiety:

  1. Practice Mindful Observation:

Instead of immediately reacting to anxious feelings, take a moment to observe them without judgment. Do a quick body scan and see where you’re feeling anxiety – we hold anxiety in interesting places, and this can be good information.

Ask yourself – out loud or in your journal – some questions (and remember, it’s completely okay if you don’t know the answers):

  1. Where is my anxiety coming from? Where am I noticing it in my body?
  2. Does it feel familiar?
  3. What is it trying to tell me?
  4. If my anxiety had a voice, whose would it be/what would it sound like?

Example: James, a sales representative, often feels anxious before a marketing presentation. Instead of trying to push the feeling away, he takes a moment to notice the butterflies in his stomach and the slightly increased pace of his thoughts. He observes these sensations with curiosity rather than fear.

  1. Use Personification:

Come up with your anxiety alter ego’s identity.

Get creative and have fun with names. I’m personally a huge fan of alliteration. Don’t skip this step, as naming the anxious thoughts can help you disidentify with them.

  1. Practice Gratitude Towards Your Anxiety:

“Thank you, anxiety, for forewarning me to danger. I wouldn’t know that something bad might happen if it weren’t for you. You remind me to plan, problem solve, and play it safe when I have to do something important.”

“Thanks to you, I made a to-do list, started studying early for the exam, prepared talking points for my interview, trained consistently for the race, and asked my doctor to run some tests—just in case. You’ve helped me out a lot when the stakes were high.”

  1. Engage in Dialogue:

Have a conversation with your anxiety. Ask it what it’s trying to tell you and what it needs.

Example: refer to above Chatting with my anxiety name: Peter Pan

  1. Putting It Into Practice:

Remember, befriending your anxiety is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. Be patient with yourself as you try these new approaches. It’s okay if it feels strange or difficult at first—that’s normal when we’re changing long-standing patterns.

Start small. You might begin by simply acknowledging your anxiety when it appears, rather than immediately trying to make it go away. Over time, you can work on building a more positive relationship with it.

It’s also important to note that while befriending anxiety can be a powerful tool for mental health, it’s not a replacement for professional help if you’re struggling with severe anxiety. Always consult with a mental health professional if your anxiety is significantly impacting your daily life.

 

“Anxiety is just a little child, who has arrived in your space. It has not come to ruin you, or hurt you, but wake you up. It only wants to be acknowledged, held, allowed into the vastness of the moment.”

 

Conclusion: A New Path to Better Mental Health and Lifestyle

Befriending your anxiety represents a paradigm shift in how we approach mental health and anxiety management. Instead of viewing anxiety as an enemy to be defeated, we can learn to see it as a part of ourselves that, however misguided, is trying to help. By changing our relationship with anxiety, we open up new possibilities for growth, self-understanding, and emotional wellbeing.

Remember, the goal isn’t to never feel anxious—anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences. Rather, the aim is to change how we relate to that anxiety when it does arise. By befriending your anxiety, you may find that it loosens its grip, allowing you to live a richer, more authentic life. Remember, WIN-WIN!

So the next time you feel that familiar flutter of anxiety, try greeting it as you would an old friend. You might be surprised at what you learn when you start listening to what it has to say. This new approach to anxiety management could be the key to transforming your mental health and lifestyle. Win-win partnership!

 

Want to Learn More About Anxiety Management?

If you’re intrigued by the concept of befriending your anxiety and would like personalised guidance on how to put these ideas into practice, I’m here to help. Whether you’re struggling with persistent worry, panic attacks, or general anxiety, I can provide tailored strategies to help you develop a more positive relationship with your anxiety. Don’t hesitate to reach out—together, we can work towards transforming your anxiety from a perceived enemy into a potential ally.

Contact me today to begin your journey towards befriending your anxiety and reclaiming your peace of mind.

Frequently Asked Questions

How does befriending anxiety improve mental health?

Befriending anxiety reduces internal conflict, increases self-compassion, and can lead to better emotional resilience. This approach allows you to understand your anxiety rather than fight it, potentially leading to reduced anxiety intensity over time.

Can this anxiety management technique fit into my daily lifestyle?

Yes, the techniques for befriending anxiety can be integrated into your daily routine. Start with small steps like mindful observation or gratitude practices, and gradually incorporate more strategies as you become comfortable with the approach.

What are the long-term benefits of this approach to mental health?

Long-term benefits may include improved emotional regulation, better self-understanding, reduced anxiety symptoms, and an overall more balanced and authentic lifestyle. This approach can contribute to better mental health and increased life satisfaction over time.

 

References:

  1. Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. Shambhala Publications.
  2. Forsyth, J. P., & Eifert, G. H. (2016). The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
  3. Orsillo, S. M., & Roemer, L. (2011). The Mindful Way through Anxiety: Break Free from Chronic Worry and Reclaim Your Life. Guilford Press.
  4. Wilson, K. G., & DuFrene, T. (2008). Mindfulness for Two: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Approach to Mindfulness in Psychotherapy. New Harbinger Publications.
  5. Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
  6. Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. Guilford Press.
  7. Kabat-Zinn, J. (2013). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Bantam Books.
  8. Greenberger, D., & Padesky, C. A. (2015). Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think. Guilford Press.
  9. Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. Harmony Books.

 

Image by Med Ahabchane from Pixabay

Image by WOKANDAPIX from Pixabay